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The Power of 'No'

The Truth About Motivation

· motivation,personal growth,weightlessness,goal setting,self confidence

Ok, so there's that itch, maybe you've felt it. It's an itch that pops up every time you resolve to strictly adhere to a personal commitment or change of habit. It's an itch in the form of temptation or distraction.

Most of the energy around a change process comes right at the beginning. It comes with that grand new vision of self that we project forward saying: This time it's gonna be different. I've had enough. I'm fucking serious this time.
And then we're at a coffee house with a friend and they've got a cheesecake or pain au chocolat staring you right in the face, taunting you, fucking baiting you. It's just this once,you tell yourself. Otherwise I've been good and will remain on track.
So here's the delusion:
Motivation and conviction don't come first. Action comes first. Motivation after.
Read that again...
The reason people struggle with motivation is not because they can't get motivated, it's because they choose not to say NO. It's the act of saying no that formalizes conviction, the fuels motivation.
Each and every NO in a series of NO's is easier, not harder than those that come before it. Acting in ways that are counter to your impulses develops strength and confidence. Most people wrongly assume that the super fit, the super successful, the super wealthy are different from the rest of us because they were gifted with strength and confidence...not the same kind of insecurities that we feel, not the weak-handed convictions and frequent failures and resets.
And that just ain't true. Most of them are still failing, they just got the small failures out of the way already - the simple and ever-present temptations, the pain au chocolats, the late night bro-benders, the series binge-watching, and the random chat and coffee requests from disorganized entrepreneurs.
They aren't / weren't more strong or confident, they just got tired of that cycle of regression caused by saying YES to things that weren't aligned with that vision of self.

It's not to say you can't have your chocolate cake or spontaneous get together, it's just that you've got to say NO a lot more than yes. And when you do say yes, you can do so with intention, with purpose - not with feelings of guilt!

NO is hard at first. NO will feel like someone else's decision, unnatural and unfair. But the next time that same temptation is in front of you...

You're a different fucking person. NO!
This is not where I get stuck. This is where I move forward.
Stay strong. Be weightless.

Tom
 

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